


Diamonds Don't Taste Better Cooked in Butter

by DWEmma



Category: Fairy Tales & Related Fandoms, Jewish Scripture & Legend, The Sandman (Comics)
Genre: Collection: Purimgifts Day 3, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-28
Updated: 2020-02-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:08:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22943806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DWEmma/pseuds/DWEmma
Summary: It turns out that the old jewish folktale Onions and Garlic is due to some intervention of Delirium. She was just looking for shiny things.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7
Collections: Purimgifts 2020





	Diamonds Don't Taste Better Cooked in Butter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Gammarad](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gammarad/gifts).



Onions are funny, I think. People like to say, as a metaphor, they say, that if you peel back the skin of an onion you keep finding more parts. That we’re all more interesting inside. But if all the parts are just smaller bits of onion, then all you did was peel away skin and find more stinkiness. Onions do taste delicious when cooked up with garlic and butter, though. In that way they’re very unlike people. 

But a shipload of onions is nothing to sneeze at, unless you are allergic to onions and your allergy makes you sneeze. And that’s what that boy with the glow deep inside had to prove his humanliness to his horrible family: a shipload of onions. He wanted to sell them. I think buying and selling is very odd when anything you want you should just take, but mortals are always so silly about things. 

But he was kind and he was pretty and I liked him, so I made sure the wind sent him to the island covered in diamonds. Worthless diamonds, but pretty pretty shiny and sparkly. It’s my favorite beach to cuddle with the waves on, though the diamonds can bite if you’re not careful and step on them. Ouch. Mean diamonds. If they weren’t so pretty, I’d do something about them. Unless I didn’t feel like it.

But I shipwrecked him and his onions, which luckily floated, even though I thought they might, I didn’t know for sure, so I’m glad that they did, and he floated to the diamond beach. And when he woke up from being dead from drowning, he was so happy to see the sparkles, which is silly since mortals need to eat and you can’t eat shiny things. But he was happy, and I’m glad, since he wouldn’t be very pretty if he had drowned. 

The king there offered him as many of the shiny things as he wanted in exchange for his stinky onions, since they were so tasty and the king was so hungry. And they helped him fix his broken boat and he went back to his mean brothers. My brother isn’t mean except for when he is. But his brothers were always mean, which was stupid since he glowed from the inside when he was happy, and they made the shiny glow go away. 

But when they saw his shiny diamond rocks they wanted some for themselves. So they shook him until the location of the island fell out of his mouth. I didn’t give them a storm or give them floating onions, but they took garlic, which is also stinky and tastes good in butter but comes in sections and not layers, so no one uses it as a metaphor for hidden things that stink, and brought them to the king king king king king who was so happy with the garlic that he gave the brothers with no glow inside of them the most valuable thing he could think of: the onions he grew from their brother’s life raft. 

And he wouldn’t give them the shinys no matter how many times they begged because he was so happy with the garlic that he needed to give them something of highest value. 

And so they came home with the children of the onions their brother had gone off to sell, and their brother lived in a giant house with all his worthless stones and they kept away vampires of course which is always good but they were sad. But I didn’t care that they were sad because when they were happy they didn’t glow.


End file.
